The Wildest Year of My Life: An Initiation into Primordial Love

For the past two years, I have been on an immense journey of deep transformation and rebirth–one that not only reshaped me but also the work I am now called to offer. Read on and see if you, too, feel the call...

Image: Lalena Rose "Arch Rock" Plettenberg Bay, South Africa

Standing at a Crossroads

A year ago, I found myself at a crossroads. My family and I had just left the UK, driven by a deep yearning to find our true home, our tribe, and a new way of living in harmony with the land. We imagined that moving to an eco-community in the Tsitsikamma forest on the coast of South Africa would be the answer to that search. On the outside, it looked perfect—everything we had been longing for. But what followed was nothing like what we had imagined.

As soon as we arrived, reality set in. The house we had bought needed so much work that, for many months, we were unable to live in it. The community learning centre we had hoped would home-school our children turned out to be unsuitable. Challenges piled on, and with financial strain, relationship tensions built—we struggled to see a way forward.

After six months, we faced the heart-wrenching decision to send my quadruplets back to the UK to live with their father so they could return to school, while we remained with my eldest to continue renovating the property to a livable state. Our dream of creating a new life on the land seemed to crumble before our eyes. I began to question everything!

Embracing the Wild Feminine

My time on this harsh, untamed, primeval coast felt like an initiation—a fierce and unrelenting one. For months, I fought against it, feeling the weight of the land pressing down on me. It was as if everything in my life was being stripped bare, layer by layer. My health, my energy, and my sense of purpose all felt heavy and drained. Yet, as I navigated this deep, dark night, I came to understand that this place was holding space for me in a way that only the primordial feminine could.

“The energy of the land mirrored the fierce love of Kali—wild, raw, and destructive, but also deeply transformative.”

It was during an experience of deep grief, as I stood in ceremony, that the light finally cracked through.

I came to see and understand that the energy of the land mirrored the fierce love of Kali—wild, raw, and destructive, but also deeply transformative. It wasn’t being indifferent; it was pushing me, stripping away every remaining illusion and attachment that stood between me and my connection to the true source of God/Goddess/Divine Love. This disconnection and separation was my biggest invitation yet—the breaking down of everything external I thought I needed to help me realise that what I was truly searching for could only be found within.

Through this process, I came face to face with a deeper truth: the home, tribe, and sense of belonging I had been searching for would never be found externally. They could only be realised by letting go of everything I thought I knew and allowing what wanted to come through me to awaken.

I had been lovingly forced to stop seeking outside myself and to reconnect with the only true source of love. I was being called back to the path of primordial love.

Coming Home to Yourself

In a moment of deep surrender, something shifted. I realised that this journey, as difficult as it had been, was exactly what I needed. This was my initiation—my own stripping down to the core so that I could guide others through their own major life transitions.

This was a root chakra healing of the greatest kind, and living on the furthest southern landmass before Antarctica—the root of our humanity and the birthplace of humankind—was the perfect place for this to unfold. I confronted my greatest fears around safety, security, and belonging. I experienced a visceral understanding that I was being called home to myself.

And with that realisation came an aliveness I hadn’t known was possible.

This rebirth has shaped not only my personal journey but also my work. Now, with this new wisdom, I am ready to share myself with the world again, knowing that my role is to guide women to this place of oneness and surrender within themselves. I’ve come to understand that the love of the divine is the only thing that will bring true peace, love, and freedom.

When we come home to our own resonance, no matter where we are, we are home.

“My role is to guide women to this place of oneness and surrender within themselves”

The Ongoing Journey

This wildest year of my life has brought me back to a truth I had forgotten: home is not a place but a state of being.

And now, as we land back in the UK, beginning our lives once again on the land we left behind, I carry with me the profound understanding that the journey of coming home is an inward one. The love we seek is the love that we are.

For those who feel the ache of longing for something more, I invite you to join me on this path of deep self-exploration. Together, we will uncover the layers, break down the barriers, and remember that everything we’ve been searching for is already within us.

LALENA ROSE

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