To Lust or To Love

What Do You Desire in Relationship? What Is Possible for You When You Open Up to Being Vulnerable, Infusing Love, Lust, and Openness Into Sexual Interactions With Another?

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THIS IS A CONVERSION AROUND LOVE, LUST AND INTIMATE CONNECTION SHARED BETWEEN MYSELF AND MY INTIMATE PARTNER… 

Him

I have mused on the concepts of love and lust for some time, experiencing both. The exhilaration of first appreciation, connection, and shared moments.

Yet lust does not involve a central feature that is at the core of love: surrender. Do you surrender to it? Does the thought of love scare you, as it should, momentarily, while considering what love actually is?

Removing sexual interactions for just a moment (you can do it), love distills a multitude of feelings for another. Once realised, it should calm thoughts. It should power your resolve, as it does with loving non-sexual partners, family, and children.

So, is lust just a sexual driver, primal in activity? Perhaps, but this is also a somewhat over-simplified suggestion. Lust has its place, but it should not be confused with love. It is certainly not love’s replacement.

When love’s lust enters the fray, only then is true interpersonal connection possible. We become givers and receivers of intimacy, surrendering to each other completely. We open channels for connection on planes much higher than simple lustful interactions can ever allow. The you and I become us.

Again, I do not discourage lustful interactions; they can be fun. They can momentarily distract or teach us something about ourselves. Lust has a teaching place in our lives. However, love’s lust has a resonance, a reasoning, a purpose far beyond ourselves.

Love’s lust is what should be yearned for, ached for, felt long after physical interactions have ceased.

Her

Love doesn’t scare me… it would have in the past. Love, for me now, is a state of being, not something that I long to attain or experience. It comes from within. Fully loving myself allows me to make decisions from a place that I know is for my highest good. It is that feeling of aliveness and joy, calmness and presence… resolve. Each day I surrender to love, knowing that I exist to embody its qualities, as something higher living through me, to enjoy and share.

There are different states of love, yes… The ancient Greeks defined love with four different words and meanings:

• Agape – love as general affection. The love you would feel towards your children or spouse. The Christians later appropriated this word to express the unconditional love of God.

• Eros – passionate love, with sensual longing and desire. Although Eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of beauty within that person or even becomes an appreciation of beauty itself.

• Philia – friendship or affectionate love, the general type of love between friends and family, a desire or enjoyment of an activity.

• Storge – natural affection that is felt by parents for their offspring.

When it comes to Eros, I am fully open to loving all those that I choose to share the innermost places of my heart, mind, body, and soul with. There are very few that I choose to go to these places with. As I enter into this connection from a place of consciousness, a mutual state of conscious awareness must be present within the other. Only a few hold a place to give and receive this with me.

Lust is a powerful response… I completely agree, a sexual driver. In my opinion, it forms and is driven whenever there is an arc of polarity created between the masculine and the feminine (MF, MM, FF depending on their sexual essence). Without this arc, the polarisation and sexual desire (lust) will not be created. What drives our lust… in my opinion, it is an outlet for the expression of Eros that lives through us and needs to be expressed.

Who we polarise with and what we get out of the experience depends solely on our own inner state of mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical wellbeing. Like attracts like.

In fact, I came into contact with someone today where the sexual polarity was hugely present. I could feel the lust and desire for them. It would have been so easy to act on impulse, but I know that this would have only been a momentary release. It would have been fun, and I’m sure there would have been learnings that came with that experience. But for me, I’ve played and experienced momentary releases over and over, seeking validation and acceptance outside of myself through lustful connection. It was only when I lost myself through these soulless connections that I was able to find who I truly was, and what it was that I deeply desired. Where I am on my path now and what I seek is an undefended love, a connection where I can completely lower all my defenses and barriers. A safe space where I cease to defend who I think I am, and what I need. A space where I can allow myself to let go and be guided by my intuition and my heart to the experiences that I can fully give myself in love with the right soul.

For me, these intimate connections are everything. They allow me to grow and awaken further. Whether these connections last a season or a lifetime, they are the most incredible gift sent from the Divine.

It is here where these intimate connections are created for me. When I become an ‘open channel for connection on planes much higher than simple lustful interactions.’ When I am seen by another, it gifts me the opportunity to see myself. It connects me to my true essence, my higher self. What I came into this world with, that has been lost under masks and layers of social and personal conditioning. Our true essence is the place where the pure magic lies. Our uniqueness shines through us; we are able to feel our oneness with each other and the Divine… pure bliss. Where experiences for both go far beyond the physical, sexual, and spiritual merge.

I love your idea of “love’s lust”! I feel this is vital for us to experience the power of our life force, our vitality, our primal carnal desires. The polarisation opens our chakras and allows our sexual energy to flow freely. It inspires us, and then what we do with this sexual energy is up to us. It can be channeled into intimate connection or it can fuel us with intention and power which we can channel into creative endeavours. Those moments when everything we touch or create just flows freely through us from the heart without a moment’s hesitation.

I am also a strong believer in the darker “love’s lust” connections. Having the safety to go to these darker depths, the places that we may be afraid to go to, gives us a deeply healing and awakening experience. It allows us to work through the energetic and psychological blockages from our personal, cultural, and ancestral wounding, which has driven these darker expressions within us in the first place. Having a safe space within an intimate sexual connection where we are held and allowed to express our fullness gives the opportunity to experience healings and awakenings that no other form of self-help or healing would allow. We are witnessed and seen. We can have huge shifts in these ecstatic, dirty, lustful experiences.

LALENA ROSE

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